HBHS Prefects Freakishly Good at Soccer

Staff Coach Stuart Hakeney’s bitterness was palpable in the after-match analysis of HBHS’ annual Staff vs Prefects Soccer game.  Spirit Week began dismally for this taciturn but stoical man, as he struggled to explain his team’s performance.

 ‘The game yesterday started slowly.  Mr Scott and Paul Nixon were looking good in the first half, but young guns then started to run us down.  Fitness became a factor.  The substitutes didn’t help us.  It didn’t go our way.  The highlight of the game for me was Bradley Scott running around like a teenager – he was absolutely brilliant.  But unfortunately he missed opportunities in front of the goal.  He had his chances… Big Mr McLean at the back was solid.  It was more about the people who didn’t shine.  Mr Atkins is new to the department, the school and apparently football.  Daniel Powell throwing the ball in from the middle of the field was unbelievable.  Jemma Cheyne was blown all over the field and spent most of her time on Field Two when she was supposed to be playing on Field One.  Mr Vesseur – lovely man; needed to get angry.  Needed to get really angry; he was too courteous.  Mr Tucker, the referee, was too fair.  Far too fair – he did allow us to have more players than the Prefects, but he needed to give more penalties to us as well.  The goal keeper [Mr Hakeney, himself] did a great job of filling in for Mike Erceg, who was injured.  Mr Muggeridge didn’t make himself available to play, saying he hadn’t run around for six weeks, but by my reckoning that made him perfect for the squad because he wasn’t injured.  You’ve got to think these things through. What can I say?  A two-nil loss.  Probably a fair result, but we should start looking far more carefully at our selection of prefects.  The number of footballers in this group is an immediate handicap for the staff.’

 Mr Hakeney then dried his tears, blew his nose, and got on with the business of the day.